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PostPosted: Sat Oct 28, 2006 1:30 pm 
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Elias Alexander wrote:
I met a girl online once and we sort of hit it off(at best someone can online) we were talking about meeting in person, but she came out and said she was married; I dropped the relationship right there.

I don't mind going out with a girl who has a boyfriend because all I see is just a boyfriend, but when she's married I see more than just a married woman.

There is a higher bond between the two married people and if she wanted to cheat than there are greater problems there that I don't want to get involved with.


Welcome Elias! As per your last paragraph, it's amazing that when researchers discovered that those who lived together before marriage actually had a higher rate of divorce than those who didn't. They thought that by living together they were able to see if they were compatable for marriage or not. Those that weren't, didn't get married, those that were, did. Their conventional wisdom was that because they discovered their compatability prior to marriage, the'd have a much lower divorce rate. Not true, because they had forgotten the higher commitment that marriage is. It makes sense, if I wasn't sure if I really wanted to be commited to someone for the rest of my life, then I'd only live with her. It would also leave the door open in case I found someone better. Getting involved with a married person is usually a dead end love affair. In the end, you end up hurting the innocent spouse and the most innocent children.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:02 pm 
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The Grass is Never Greener - - its just Different Grass

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:10 pm 
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baemark wrote:
Elias Alexander wrote:
I met a girl online once and we sort of hit it off(at best someone can online) we were talking about meeting in person, but she came out and said she was married; I dropped the relationship right there.

I don't mind going out with a girl who has a boyfriend because all I see is just a boyfriend, but when she's married I see more than just a married woman.

There is a higher bond between the two married people and if she wanted to cheat than there are greater problems there that I don't want to get involved with.


Welcome Elias! As per your last paragraph, it's amazing that when researchers discovered that those who lived together before marriage actually had a higher rate of divorce than those who didn't. They thought that by living together they were able to see if they were compatable for marriage or not. Those that weren't, didn't get married, those that were, did. Their conventional wisdom was that because they discovered their compatability prior to marriage, the'd have a much lower divorce rate. Not true, because they had forgotten the higher commitment that marriage is. It makes sense, if I wasn't sure if I really wanted to be commited to someone for the rest of my life, then I'd only live with her. It would also leave the door open in case I found someone better. Getting involved with a married person is usually a dead end love affair. In the end, you end up hurting the innocent spouse and the most innocent children.


I find that to be one of those paradoxical catch 22s.

Statistics are just numbers. They do not take into consideration the upbringing - thought pattern - social awareness - and mind set of those involved.

So I agree with you sort of. If you are brought up that Marriage is for life - and you will work through the struggles because of the commitment - your chances of staying married are in the high percentage range.

If you are brought up to "test the waters" - that's different.

BUT - - I would bet if researchers followed these same people in other areas of their life - - - like their jobs. I'd say the one committed to marriage primarily would have long term employment with one company (or profession). Where as the one who "tested the waters" - - would jump from job to job.

The one jumping from job to job could possible do better then the one committed to one company (profession) - - depending on job choices and advancement.

I divorced my husband after 10 years because he was jealous of his own children and it was beginning to affect them.

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 12, 2006 4:22 pm 
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gnosticgnowledge wrote:
Have you ever had an affair with a married person? If so do you regret and are wrapped with guilt, or do you savor the memories?

I posted this here since it is a question of morality.


I've been a married person for quite a while now, so my views are tainted by the experience.

I think the right/wrong of affairs/cheating/dalliance is dependent upon the relationship you have with your partner.

Women are usually more concerned about her man having a (not-necessarily sexual) relationship with another woman.

Men then to be more concerned about their woman having sex with another guy, and a (non-sexual) relationship might be ok.

But I think that cheating is only cheating if it's hidden. Brazen is bad too, but deceitful is worse. So I've never been caught cheating. But if I were to take a mistress, she'd have to pass the wife's muster. And that wouldn't be cheating, sneaking or anything else to feel guilty about - as all parties would be informed participants.

A message to the girls out there - the married guy never leaves his wife for you - and if he does, he'll leave you for the next piece of arse.

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